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| Discovering Your Inner-Scumbag I was a shy 20-year-old kid back in the fall of 1996, and rarely, if ever, approached a woman for her telephone number.I had virtually no game with the ladies, and couldn't get laid if my life depended on it.Well, one day, around April/May of 1996, I took a drive over to the local Blockbuster video store to rent a movie that I really wanted to see.I forget what movie it was, but that's not important.What is important was the girl behind the counter who waited on me. She was beautiful.She was beyond beautiful.Skinny, dark brown haired, crystal blue eyed the face of an angel!And because she was so attractive, I wasn't nervous around her because I felt she was out of my league.I was myself.Shockingly, the girl, while ringing up my video, started up a conversation with yours truly about something I was wearing that day.I played along, and just enjoyed looking at this young woman's face.Finally, as I was handed my receipt, I decided to throw caution to the wind and ask the girl for the digits.She obliged me. So I began calling this Godess, whose name was "Barbara," and we hit it off pretty well.She was a year younger than I was, and had graduated from a neighboring town's high school a year prior.She was a part-time college student, and talking to her was sweeter than a handjob on a Sunday-School picnic.She laughed at my porous jokes, she allowed me to brag on myself as I so often did back then without cutting in, she was the best!She was too good to be true!Well, about three weeks later, I bumped into a friend of mine named "James" that I used to work with at a department store.He was walking in the local mall that day when I stopped him to say hello, and we got to talking about life as we both approached the video game store together.I mentioned to this dude that I was "seeing" a girl who had gone to his old high school named "Barbara Newell."I was then hit with this "I wouldn't do that if I were you!"When asked to elaborate on his statement, James mentioned that he knew Barbara somewhat well, since they lived right near each other."We used to ride on the same school bus for years, "James announced."Not a bad looking chick, but she had problems, man!" "Problems?"I inquired, sounding puzzled."What are you talking about?""That girl has epilepsy!""So?""You ever see someone have a seizure, bro?""Yeah, some chick I went to high school with had one in gym class.What's the big deal?She was back at school the next day and all" "The big deal is they have no control over what they're doing.Fuckers have to make sure those assholes don't bite their tongues off and shit!""Okay?What are you trying to say to me?" "Think about it, Dan.Imagine that chick is sucking your cock when she has a fit like that.They never know it's coming on so they can't stop themselves.She can bite your dick off since she has no control over her mouth!""Really?""Yeah!I mean, I guess you can feel safe fucking her, but don't let her blow you!" |
| I mean, I guess you can feel safe fucking her, but don't let her blow you!"Minutes later, I thanked James for his candid advice, and drove on home.What he said, initially, sounded ridiculous, but after thinking about things, I decided that it was enough for me to say goodbye to Barbara Newell.I never called her again.I know what you're thinking what a scumbag I was, right?That's not the moral of the blog here.It's not to tell a weird story that makes me look like an asshole.You see, I felt regretful for a long time about blowing Barbara off since she was such a nice girl.But back in 1996, I would have just said that I was someone who was easily influenced by other people, and didn't have a mind of my own.That I was a follower - a pussy.Some of that may be true, but writing this blog today, at age thirty-one, I now know the real reason why I dissed Barbara.It had nothing to do with having my schlong bitten off.It was self-hatred.Even at age twenty, I knew I was going nowhere in life.I was never going to be a doctor, a lawyer, a captain of industry, or even own my own business.I didn't have a lot going for me, except I was relatively clean cut, and I had my youth.I knew that my upside in life wasn't all that high, being a college drop out who hated the idea of working hard.Barbara, to me, was the picture of perfection.Or rather, a personification of what is good in the world and what I was lacking in my own personality.What could I really do for a person like that other than to ruin her life?And truthfully, what could a woman such as her really do for a scumbag like me? You see, there is such a thing as being too pretty.Pretty girls with slim figures and gorgeous faces always tickled my fancy as a child, but it wasn't what was getting me off when the time came to "relieve some stress."Every porn I had back then consisted of skeevy looking hoes who were anything but wholesome.Yet, I found myself attracted to that kinda lady.They would usually do the nastiest shit and for some reason, that peeked my sexual interest.Perhaps I knew that in Barbara, I would be wasting my time since I couldn't see myself giving her any pearl-necklessas or her ever even asking for one.But I'm not alone.Look at what happened to Hugh Grant.This guy was dating Elizabeth Hurley, one of the most beautiful women on the planet (at least, back in 1998).But instead of being satisfied with ole' Liz, Hugh finds himself a crack whore to suck his dick.It's like ask most guys in America today.Would you rather fuck Lindsay Lohan or Hillary Duff?Nine out of ten guys would say Lohan because, well, she's a lowlife.You can see yourself, at least, in fantasyland, screwing double LL in a public restroom as she's coked up and fueled with alcohol.But can you really see yourself doing that with Duff?I'm not saying Duff isn't a freak in real life, but her perception isn't such, so nobody really thinks of her that way.And with that Barbara girl, she may have had flaws in her personality, in fact, I'm sure she had them.But I would never have been able to see that.I saw what I wanted to see in her.I was looking for any excuse to get rid of her, since I felt that I wasn't good enough to date someone that seemed too good for me. |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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