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The Raccoon Chronicles ( A repost of sorts) |
Dotster
| As I anxiously await my sons graduation tomorrow from college I thought that I would tell everyone one about encounters with wildlife at my ex husbands home.My favorite night in that house was called Racoon Hell night ? I had a cat that was an outdoor cat.?Not liking to move from his lazy boy recliner my ex hubby ( a carpenter and a damn good one) Set up two cat doors.One went from the kitchen to the garage and then when from the garage to the outside.My cat being pretty savvy figured out how to get through two doors and everything was cool.That is until my ex decided to turn the garage into a family room.Now it was decided the cat door would go on the outside kitchen door that went directly outside.?We kept the cat food right there too so it sounded like a plan to me......Well one day my cat Sylvester ( and yes he was Black and White)?brought in a baby rabbit while I was on the phone and lovingly placed it at my feet.?Ackkkkkkkkkkkk I thought my cat killed a rabbit.?As I shreiked and then went to get a shovel., said dead rabbit came to life.I know had a scared shitless rabbit hopping like a maniac through my living room.?I tried for an hour to get that rabbit out of the house , I closed all the doors and finally it went behind the refrigerator.?Finally exhausted I gave up.?I had two doors that slid from both the kitchen to the front hall and from the kitchen to the living room.I thought ok the rabbit will be ok.... till morning and then I left one bowl of food in the dining room for the cat and went to bed.Now prior to this I kept noticing broken crayons in the living room I would confront my son with this and he kept saying "Not me" Well every home has a not me or no one or who knows living there so I just yelled at him to stop breaking crayons and went to bed.Now ( the xrated part) I dont sleep in clothing..in fact I sleep au natural.Not that I look good nekked but at that time we had a water bed.It was one that moved and I often felt like I was being poached at night so I slept with little........That night about 300 AM......I woke up to a strange sound in the kitchen......Aha the BABY RABBIT I THOUGHT !?So I got out of bed quietly ( when you got out of bed it was kinda like a wave hitting a ship the other person would move up on a wave)?I stole down the hall still in my au natural state and noticed the cat in the living room growling at the closed door....Strange I thought ....... you idiot cat you are bigger than that little rabbit you killer so what were you growling at.I locked the cat in another room so when I went into the kitchen he wouldnt be able to attack that poor little creature.Then.............I opened the door , flung on the lights and there to my horror were not one but TWO raccoons ! ..........One was contendedly ( is that a word?? |
| One was contendedly ( is that a word??) stuffing his face in the other cat food bowl and the brazen large racoon ( cocky bastard he was) was sitting on the garbage paid with a Lou Malnattis ( Googe Lou ) PIZZA box in his little paw.??The little bastards had come in through the cat door , cheeky things.Well you know what I was not expecting to see two racoons in the kitchen while I was buck naked in the said kitchen at 300 AM in the morning?.SO I did what all brave naked women do when confronted with wildlife in their kitchen .
I SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS and ran the other way down the hallway......I hadnt ran so fast since I had streaked in college.??I woke up the whole house and just managed to get a shirt ..my kid woke up.......The one positive result of my scream that could match any horror movie queen is that I scared the Bejesus out of those two racoons and they were as scared of me ( how often do they see naked humans?) as I them so they hightailed it out the cat door.Now the ex ( he was not bad looking and like I said a good carpenter but not quick on the uptake) couldnt figure out why I was now screaming for the thing that seals the cat door.He had lost it.So at now 330 AM my son and I sealed the door with plywood .....My Ex went back to bed to leave us to keep the wildlife out ( by the way the rabbit was STILL behind the dang refrigerator) He was smarter than me I guess........So my son put a cooler in front of the wood.......and bricks on top of that?and move stuff to keep the buggers out.Sigh .....after that we kept a sliding piece of wood we had found over the door.My cat now had to observe a curfew so I had the door sealed before dark........Those damn things tried many times to get back in the house.We would find the wood cracked and?knew they were making a comeback.One night I was at the computer and first saw the motion sensor light turn on by the garage...I kept typing like an idiot.Then I saw the patio light flash on........... and then I knew........ they were baccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkk.I just made it to the side door when one of the little guys?had his head poked through the door.In my bravest voice I screamed , GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN YOU SON OF A BITCH............... and he did...........I was almost greatful to get divorced a few months later so I could sleep without being terrorized.......I had to throw the cat dishes away , my cats got fleas from the damn things.And to my horror I realized those animals had gone into my living room and were the crayon breaking culprits.SO thats it my adventure with raccons......PS the baby rabbit was let out the next morning but thats another blog |
| PS the baby rabbit was let out the next morning but thats another blog |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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