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Jesus, Jethro, and Aunt Bea:The Cage Match
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| And havin' snatched away all their little pea shooters, he made fools of 'em in front a everbody with a big win on the cross.(1 Cor.4:9, The Hillbilly Bible)Y'all, religion has kindly been the bane a my existence.?I was born into a very strict and religious family.?Mostly, religion fer us was about all the stuff we could'n do, and so I grew up with this idee that God was kindly a grumpy ole man that did'n want nobody to have no fun.That stuck with me fer a long time, y'all.Even after I left the cult that I was raised in,?I still felt that God would rather hit me over the head with a chair and pile drive me as look at me.(Okay, so I'm kindly mixin' metafers today, y'all.?Now, instead a grumpy ole man,?God's a mean ole wrastler like the ones that thows powder in yer eyes and comes off the ropes with a boot in your groin area).But, if'n yer in Jesus, then God ain't mad at ya.?He don't wanna pull your tights over yer head and thow ye outta the ring whilst the referee ain't lookin'.?See y'all, the devils the one that really wants to destroy ye.?But him and Jesus had a battle royal and Jesus won.?Ole Slew Foot got 'ees booty kicked, his head shaved and now he's gotta leave town, whilst all the fans is a laughin' and a pointin'.If'n yer in Jesus, God don't wanna drop kick ye.? |
| If'n yer in Jesus, God don't wanna drop kick ye.?He loves ye like Aint Bea loved Opie, like Ellie May loved critters, like Jethro loved vittles.Ye cain't even git away from that kinda love.?Aint Bea'll hunt ye down and put the sleeper hold on ye and take ye on back home and cook ye some nice vittles.?I wonder how many more times I can work the word "vittles" into this here piece, y'all.Boy, I sure do like that word.Well, I reckon I done wrecked the English language, mixed metafers, and caused my high school English teacher's eyeballs to commence to twitchin' enough fer one day.?I reckon my work here is done.?Y'all git the point.?God ain't mad ye, if yer in Jesus.?Ain't never gonna be no more.?Jesus took care of it.Now rest in that fer a while, if'n ye need to.?Sit a spell.Take ye shoes off.?Y'all come back now.?Ye hear?_______________________________________________________The Hillbilly BibleThey Said The South Would Rise Again |
| Ye hear?_______________________________________________________The Hillbilly BibleThey Said The South Would Rise Again |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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