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Awoke myself from a nose dive glide (updated |
Micfo
| Most people would scoff at the idea of having someone's name tattooed on their body, especially if that name belonged to their lover.Of course, if anyone told you that they were thinking of doing it, you'd nod your head and tell them what a good idea it is. We lie best not when we lie to ourselves, but when we lie to avoid painful conversations with people we consider idiots.Marriage is supposed to be just as permanent as a tattoo, but I'm willing to bet that it's much harder to find a couple with their names tattooed on each other than with rings on their fingers.When it comes to a life altering decision, people are much more willing to throw caution into the wind, but when it comes to altering their bodies well, you only get one body but you can always have more lovers, even if you're married.As far as we're concerned, this body is it; we can't trade it in for a new one.It's easy to understand why people are protective of their bodies and it excites us to see someone who doesn't give a shit about keeping themselves safe; one of the best things about the 'Jackass' troupe is their willingness to torture and mutilate their bodies just to entertain the rest of us.Still, there comes a time when we have to remember that, while they may be permanent for us, our bodies are just more temporary organic matter, and at a time when we are dangerously overpopulating the planet and over indulging in our use of fossil fuels, it only makes sense to treat our bodies with the proper dignity they deserve.So stop paying good money to have your corpse planted in the ground.As far as I'm concerned, there's only one good reason for burying humans, and that's to make our corpses into energy presents for future generations.The people of the future might need the extra fossil fuel, and we have the technical know how to make our decomposing remains turn into oil, coal, or natural gas; however, if that's the reason we're burying ourselves, then it makes much more sense to do it in mass graves.I love to walk around old cemeteries as much as the next guy, but not because it conjures up memories about the old times, I can do that much more effectively with books and journals, or a reverence for the people who came before me, I get that every time someone compliments my parents by telling me how much they admire my writing; no, I like walking around old cemeteries because I think it's funny to see grave stones, that are so eroded it is impossible to read the names carved into them, being regularly maintained and straightened.It's creepy to think of the things that people will do to your body after you die, but it's time that we stopped lying to each other, and ourselves, and accepted that after we're dead, this thing that we like to wash, polish, and masturbate now, will be just one more pile of inanimate matter when we're gone.Even if you're one of those optimistic people who believe that your soul is destined for gumdrop happiness in heaven, your body is still just a pile of useless meat once your heart stops beating.Well, maybe not entirely uselessYou are, after all, still full of perfectly good organs after you die, and, as good citizens, we should all donate our organs to people who need them; however, donating our organs doesn't go far enough to alleviate the problems we cause by burying our dead.There are so many things we could do with corpses, besides sticking them in the ground.Corpses are a cheap food source.They also float, so you could just strap a corpse around a child's arms and use them as water wings.A good tanner can make a solid football from human skin.Can you imagine the implications of a car that runs on corpses?We might finally be able to quit our addiction to foreign oil.Besides, there are a lot of lonely necrophiliacs out there who have no one to keep them cold on a warm night like this, just because you don't want anyone having sex with your corpse after you're dead, and I promise that it will hurt less than getting a tattoo.Sex Mahoney for PresidentJust one day after posting this, I found a news story about a "new" technology in human waste removal.Even though the article claims that the method is new, serial killers and gangsters alike have known about it for years.Here is the article:CONCORD, N.H. Since they first walked the planet, humans have either buried or burned their dead.Now a new option is generating interest dissolving bodies in lye and flushing the brownish, syrupy residue down the drain.The process is called alkaline hydrolysis and was developed in this country 16 years ago to get rid of animal carcasses.It uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to destroy bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders that are similar to pressure cookers.No funeral homes in the U.S. or anywhere else in the world, as far as the equipment manufacturer knows offer it.In fact, only two U.S. medical centers use it on human bodies, and only on cadavers donated for research.But because of its environmental advantages, some in the funeral industry say it could someday rival burial and cremation."It's not often that a truly game-changing technology comes along in the funeral service," the newsletter Funeral Service Insider said in September.But "we might have gotten a hold of one."Getting the public to accept a process that strikes some as ghastly may be the biggest challenge.Psychopaths and dictators have used acid or lye to torture or erase their victims, and legislation to make alkaline hydrolysis available to the public in New York state was branded "Hannibal Lecter's bill" in a play on the sponsor's name Sen. Kemp Hannon and the movie character's sadism.Alkaline hydrolysis is legal in Minnesota and in New Hampshire, where a Manchester funeral director is pushing to offer it.But he has yet to line up the necessary regulatory approvals, and some New Hampshire lawmakers want to repeal the little-noticed 2006 state law legalizing it."We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified," said Patrick McGee, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Manchester.State Rep. Barbara French said she, for one, might choose alkaline hydrolysis."I'm getting near that age and thought about cremation, but this is equally as good and less of an environmental problem," the 81-year-old lawmaker said. |
| But he has yet to line up the necessary regulatory approvals, and some New Hampshire lawmakers want to repeal the little-noticed 2006 state law legalizing it."We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified," said Patrick McGee, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Manchester.State Rep. Barbara French said she, for one, might choose alkaline hydrolysis."I'm getting near that age and thought about cremation, but this is equally as good and less of an environmental problem," the 81-year-old lawmaker said."It doesn't bother me any more than being burned up.Cremation, you're burned up.I've thought about it, but I'm dead."In addition to the liquid, the process leaves a dry bone residue similar in appearance and volume to cremated remains.It could be returned to the family in an urn or buried in a cemetery.The coffee-colored liquid has the consistency of motor oil and a strong ammonia smell.But proponents say it is sterile and can, in most cases, be safely poured down the drain, provided the operation has the necessary permits.Alkaline hydrolysis doesn't take up as much space in cemeteries as burial.And the process could ease concerns about crematorium emissions, including carbon dioxide as well as mercury from silver dental fillings.The University of Florida in Gainesville and the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., have used alkaline hydrolysis to dispose of cadavers since the mid-1990s and 2005, respectively.Brad Crain, president of BioSafe Engineering, the Brownsburg, Ind., company that makes the steel cylinders, estimated 40 to 50 other facilities use them on human medical waste, animal carcasses or both.The users include veterinary schools, universities, pharmaceutical companies and the U.S. government.Liquid waste from cadavers goes down the drain at the both the Mayo Clinic and the University of Florida, as does the liquid residue from human tissue and animal carcasses at alkaline hydrolysis sites elsewhere.Manchester funeral director Chad Corbin wants to operate a $300,000 cylinder in New Hampshire.He said that an alkaline hydrolysis operation is more expensive to set up than a crematorium but that he would charge customers about as much as he would for cremation.George Carlson, an industrial-waste manager for the New Hampshire Department of Environmental Services, said things the public might find more troubling routinely flow into sewage treatment plants in the U.S. all the time.That includes blood and spillover embalming fluid from funeral homes.The department issued a permit to Corbin last year, but he let the deal on the property fall through because of delays in getting the other necessary permits.Now he must go through the process all over again, and there is gathering resistance.But he said he is undeterred."I don't not know how long it will take," he said recently, "but eventually it will happen."Associated PressCurrently listening to:The Rise and Fallby Madness |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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